Remember His Rescue

It almost seems silly
The fear of growth
The hesitation to step forward
The gun-shy brain trying its best to control the future with such flimsy protection.

What do I actually know?
All that I’ve seen.
All that I’ve felt
The journey from slave to free. Yes, I am free… but am I actually?
Free indeed?

This already/not yet seems a treacherous gap
when my mind is more focused on the parts of life that are behind.

I wish for healing
But the wounds I’ve accumulated tear open and bleed “Not yet”
I see the peace laid out for me 
But the anxiety chokes out the breath and speaks for me “Not yet”
I long for joy
But the darkness of depression chases me like a monster
Sucks me in like a twister
Convinces me like a well-trained trickster
That joy is not found here… “Not yet”

Shame is a powerful enemy
It is a thief
An abductor
A destructor
A liar

Shame hurls insult on top of injury
Twisting the “not yet” into “not for me”
And reality shifts to the UpsideDown
Too far down. Too far gone. Too far away.

But He reaches me there
He finds me there
He hears my cries of distress and He takes me out
He draws me out
Brings me with Him
He delights in me

He flips my internal world to see the truth of His rescue
And as he stands me up in the wide open
He refuses my excuses
Through tears my confused soul repeats the refrain it’s been trained to rehearse
“I am a ruiner. I am a failure. I don’t belong here.”

His compassion is stirred and His face is soft yet His voice is stern
“Do not call unclean what God has made clean”
And there I stand, surprised to be loved.
I cannot comprehend it.
I cannot justify it
I cannot wrap my tired mind around it

This rapture of soul
This awakening of spirit
This opening of eyes
This illumination of a once blackened heart

I stand there.
In this broad place on steady feet and strengthened ankles
Safety feels foreign but there it is
Rest seems undeserved but I feel my shoulders relax
Security was unknown but here I stand on heights high above my fear

He brought me into His courts
Under His wings
Hidden in the clefts
Covered by His mighty hand
I am His and He is mine
And shame is crushed to powder as I fall on the Rock of Ages

The filth I once wore like a name tag on my chest
He has covered with His own robe of righteousness
All I can do is stand there
surprised every time He loves me… Oh, how He loves me

Through tears my comforted soul proclaims
Praise to my Rock! May the God of my salvation be exalted!
And though it seems futile and never enough 
“I love you Lord, my Strength” becomes the refrain
The song of my heart spills over onto garments of joy

Remember His rescue
Rest in His recuse
Stand firm in His perfect love that sees all
Jesus loves me this I know, He rescued me and made me whole
Who is God but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God?

God of all Creation
God of all my heart
My mind, soul, and strength are Yours
All glory, honor and praise are Yours
You teach me to fight
Not in my own power for I have none
But by Your blood and the song of Your redeemed
I have been set free!

And I will remember all You have done.
All that You do
And when You ask, I will follow You.

Even when the path seems extra narrow,  I will trust You
I will believe You when You say “Fear not”
I will hope in You when all else feels lost
And though I may be the absolute least of these, Your love has adopted me into royalty

What else can be done?
There is no going back
Safety is assured
Joy is anchored
Beauty is bestowed
What’s done is finished.

Again, I ask “Who is God but the Lord?”
Who can understand His mystery but those to whom He has given the keys?
And the Spirit of Yahweh
The Comforter, Himself
Whispers a melody of blessing and life
A song of rescue
A hymn of rejoicing
A ballad of unending affection
A refrain of redemption

His delight is in me.
My life is in Him.
He is mine and I am His.