After weeks of sickness in our home, I am freaking exhausted. It’s been weeks since anything resembling a decent night’s sleep has graced my husband or me. Life doesn’t care if your kids are up all night. Work and responsibilities don’t let up to give you time to recover. The kids don’t understand that they aren’t the only ones who are miserable and need attention. The baby one has no pity on the toddler one, and the older ones just want the little ones to stop whining. As do I.
I Wish Mom Were Here
Suddenly, I wanted my mom! I wanted her to come to my house and play with my hair while I lay on the couch and actually rest. And then I realized something that has forever changed the way I want to approach my exhaustion-induced frustrations while caring for my suffering children: how I care for them now will directly affect how they will come to me in their moments of need later in life. Not just when they are sick or hurt physically, but more so when they’ve been hurt emotionally, or when they need advice and want to talk to someone who they feel “safe” with. Or when, like me, they are just exhausted with life. I want to be a restful place for them!
I know so many people who have the fondest memories of their mothers taking care of them when they were sick as children. Their moms were nurturing and compassionate. They went out of their way to make sure that wounds were cared for, hair was held back, pillows were fluffed, and the remotes were nearby. My mom would be sure to rent the Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea movies every time I was homesick. Every. Time. Anyone who knows me personally knows that I have an *almost* unhealthy obsession connection with Anne Shirley and her crazy antics. Those movies, to this day, make me feel at home. They stir warm feelings of comfort and peace and I just love them. I truly believe a major reason why is because of the memories they trigger. Those movies were a tangible, practical way my mom loved me and took care of me when I was hurt/sick. I love her for that. And I cried tears of joy the day I spent $50 to have my own copies on DVD in addition to my VHS versions.
This is the most tragical thing that has ever happened to me.
– Anne Shirley, Anne of Green Gables
But I also know many people who would never want their mom around when they are in need. They didn’t receive warmth or tenderness growing up. Their memories, or even current reality, are of their “neediness” being inconvenient or bothersome. Their sickness always hit at the worst times, their injuries were a financial strain, or their mom simply lacked the empathy to see beyond her own full plate. And now, as grown-ups, they don’t want their moms to know their hurts. They don’t think to consult her when they are struggling. They don’t long for her presence or wish they could snuggle into her shoulder. Whether in physical sickness and pain or in emotional hurt or brokenness, they don’t see the value in their mother’s nearness.
Consider The Future
I want to be a mom who my kids long for when they are grown. When they are exhausted and at the end of their rope, or too sick to stand, I want the thought “I wish my mom were here” to come into play! I want them to learn now, in these foundational and forming years, that they are my priority. Even in my exhaustion, even when it is inconvenient, serving them is a joy. I want them to see that no matter what plans I have to cancel, no matter how few hours I may sleep, no matter how many times I have to drive to the Doctor’s Office, that in their moments of need I was there, and I loved it.
I hope that these memories will carry through to their teens, twenty-somethings and beyond so they will never question my desire to support them. I pray they will never be afraid to let me into their brokenness, struggles, and heartaches. And I pray I continue to show grace, and have a heart that is turned toward my kids even when they are grown. When things get dicey in these early years, I want to remember to flash-forward to what I dream my relationship with them is like in 5, 15, and 25 years.
There isn’t really a time when parenting isn’t all about self-sacrifice. I’m beginning to see that now! It may morph in how it looks – it may be less hands-on as the kids grow more independent and create their own paths. I might become more of a cheerleader and less of a coach, but I will always be on the sidelines! I have to be so filled with patience and a love greater than myself in this season that when the time comes that my five children have the choice, they will choose to invite me to the game. I’m not sure how this became all sporty, but I think the point carries!
It all matters. Everything we do now will somehow affect what we are able to do later. We must remember this and pray for Divine wisdom, strength, and grace to love our babies as a reflection of how well our Father loves us.
I love you all!
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