What does it mean to cast your cares before Jesus? To submit your fears and anxieties? To “let go and let God”?
I admit, I struggle when told to just “give it to God” or “have more faith”. As one who often feels the weight of anxiety, worry, fear, pessimism, depression, etc., it takes *work* to “simply” release those feelings and trust Jesus. I have either felt like a failure when I own the struggle or like a hypocrite when I try to pretend… either way, I am still burdened. What does trust look like when overwhelmed by not-so-positive realities? I don’t know that it’s ever a helpful thing to put the weight of freedom in our ability to give something up or believe strongly enough. Instead, we must remember that our freedom from burden lies in what Jesus has willingly, and perpetually, taken on Himself. The only thing we’ve to do is respond to His call, “Come to Me…”.
Look Out, Imagine the Worst
In 2019, I was preparing for my second major back surgery in 18 months and I had to get very honest with my many fears. The surgery was an intense one which first required a Vascular Surgeon to clear the way for my Orthopedic Surgeon to do his work of fixing my broken spine. I was to be cut abdominally and then flipped over and cut again. Initially, the surgery was postponed because my weight made it too dangerous to proceed. The odds of me bleeding out on the table were very real. So real, that my wise surgeon refused to undertake the procedure until I lost a minimum of 25 pounds in three months.
So we cannonballed into a very stressful, frustrating, and fearful 12 weeks with a mission to essentially fight for my life. That may be a bit of an overstatement, but it’s one hundred percent how it felt and how I had to approach it. I knew I needed the surgery as soon as possible. My mobility was worsening rapidly and the constant pain was overwhelming. We went to my determination appointment and were relieved to hear I’d succeeded. I was approved for surgery, having met the minimum requirement to the exact pound.
Almost immediately following the relief, I was filled with a new set of fears. I had just barely made it. I was narrowly in the “safety zone”. It was not a comfortable margin. It was just “good enough”. The risks had decreased just enough to go ahead with a surgery that just 3 months prior I was told could turn catastrophic.
I had 3 weeks to sit in that fear before the new surgery date. And for those 3 weeks, I held onto every moment with my children, my husband, my friends, because in the back of my mind was always the thought of “these could be their last memories of me”. I was weary and heavy laden with big emotions, endless thoughts, and gutting fear. And Jesus, in His compassion, saw me and said “Come to me…”. He met me there, when I was tired and had nothing but a burdened mind and sorrowful soul.
And He spoke.
See It, and Wonder
He asked me to let my imagination run free in my worst case scenario. God, the Creator of all things has given us creativity as image bearers of His likeness. So I used that God-given creativity to take my “worst case” to the farthest levels I could imagine. I imagined all the ways things could go wrong. I imagined how my husband would tell our kids that I was gone. I imagined all the things I would miss in their futures and the letters I should write to them just in case.
I went to the darkest places. And I sat there. I sat in the pain and the disappointment and the worry. I sat in the sadness and frustration of how easily this could become more than just my imagined reality.
Then He spoke again and this time He asked me to imagine all the ways He could use my worst case. How could He redeem it? What would it look like fully covered by His grace and presence? Where would He be glorified? And as I imagined, I smiled. His perfect love began to dissolve my fears and as He revealed more and more of Himself, it wasn’t long before my worst case scenario no longer looked so bad. In fact, it could be good! Because HE would be there.
Be Astounded
Submitting fear, worry, and doubt under the weight of the gospel has looked more like recognizing the omnipresence of God in this way than simply flipping over to positive thinking. It’s not minimizing, or brushing away. It’s not allowing it to reign free because it’s “our truth”. But it’s acknowledging the true depth of its reality and yet still seeing it as under the authority of a good, loving, and sovereign Father who is present in all things. It is trusting that His love will indeed endure as He said it would. And as I focus on His love, I am strengthened in my innermost being til I am no longer afraid and joy is stirred and anchored.
God is present. He cares deeply. He is true to His character and has always been about the business of redemption and freedom. When we allow ourselves to submit our thought-life, our nightmares, our doomsday expectations, our hopes, our aspirations, the thoughts we hold so close because we are afraid to look them in the face… that’s where He meets us and reminds us that He is sovereign and He is working everything for the good of those who love Him.
In Habakkuk chapter 1, God tells the weary prophet to look among the nations, to see and wonder, and be astounded because He is doing things Habakkuk wouldn’t even believe. That wonder-working God is still at the helm of all that exists. He is God Almighty, Maker of all heaven and earth… and yet He is your Abba.
He keeps your tears in a bottle, knows the number of hairs on your head, and knows your inner-self more deeply and thoroughly than you could ever. And His perfect love for you will dissolve each and every one of your worst case scenarios until there is only one astounding truth left for you to anchor to… He is I AM. Everything you need is found in the person of Jesus. He is with you. He is for you. He is in you. Go forward, and do not be afraid nor dismayed.
I love you all!
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Christy,
This was very personal for me. Thank you! I am going in for a very difficult surgery on December 1st.
I am so grateful for your openness and knowledge of the truth of God’s Sovereignty and Grace.
And I am glad to hear your still here. Praise God for His goodness! ❤️